why we are cameraless

I don't own many super nice things. It's not that I don't like nice stuff, it's just that I don't agree with nice stuff. Anytime I buy pants costing more than $30, they get ruined somehow. Let's just say I am in hourly contact with a variety of markers including, but not limited to, Vis-a-vis, permanent and dry erase. But, the hand-me-down Target pants never get stained or shrunk or bleached.

Two of the nicest things I've ever owned were my digital cameras. Sadly, the plural and the past tense are not mistakes. I have lost two digital cameras. Two, very nice, digital cameras.

Camera #1- Lost at Ikea

I thought it would be a great idea to take pictures of bathroom vanities on a shopping trip with several stops. I put the camera down on a table to look at a brochure. Never picked it back up. I called Ikea weekly for months hoping someone would turn it in. Then, Ed bought me....

Camera #2- Lost at Sullivan's

This is what I get for engaging in corporate espionage. A friend I was visiting in Wisconsin needed a brand of sausage for her company's taste test. Sullivan's was supposed to carry it. How did I lose the camera, you ask? On our way in to the store, Alex had a bloody nose so I put my purse in a cart and unloaded the purse onto the seat of the cart to get a tissue at the bottom. Obviously, I never loaded my camera back into my bag. What sucks even more was that someone turned the camera into Sullivan's and Sullivan's put up a found sign. Then, a blond woman claimed my camera. We know this because the people at Sullivan's know Ed and there were pictures of him golfing in the flood on the camera. When he went to the store, they told him his blond wife claimed the camera. I would be pissed at Sullivan's for their stupidity, but that doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense since this was the SECOND camera I left in a store.

The only, and I mean only, good thing to come of this debacle is how Ed reacted after we found out about the second camera. I was on the phone with him crying hysterically saying what an idiot I was. I couldn't remember the last time I felt that bad about myself. Ed didn't lecture me, make fun of me or get angry. He spoke in the kindest voice anyone could ever hear. He told me to just come home. And that I did.

Top 4 Reasons Why You Should call DCFS right now

1. In February, I accidentally gave Alex my adult cough medicine instead of his kid cough medicine. No wonder he slept through the night.

2. I put Alex's bike helmet on backwards all summer. In August, my sister came to visit and she pointed out the fact that his helmet was on backwards. Oh, I was wearing mine backwards too. All summer.

3. Alex was locked out of the school while I was in a meeting. In the winter. With snow on the ground. Temperature in the teens. In his stocking feet.

4. During a party, I forgot to feed my kid. We (the adults) were going to order pizza but the appetizers filled us (the adults) up so we (the adults) decided not to order food. At about 8, the kids started arguing and whining. We (the adults) realized the kids were starving.

This post was a Draft for 2 months

If you know Ed and I, you know that we are radically different. We fail every compatibility test in every bad woman's magazine. We also did pretty crappy on the test our Church gave us when we had our marriage blessed. I tried to cheat. Ed wouldn't let me. Hey- they left us alone in the room with the test! I have a bad track record with Church tests: I was stupid enough to get caught cheating on my confirmation test and had to pray in front of the tabernacle as penance.

When I met Ed, I was 19, depressed, confused and just coming out of a bad relationship. He was just recovering from living the hardest part of his life. Really, it was the worst time in both of our lives. Not a good time to start a serious relationship.

As the years went on, our differences became more apparent. We fought a lot. But, we always made up, learned something about ourselves and our relationship, and went on laughing. Most importantly, he loved me unconditionally. I didn't always return the favor.

When it came time to get married (the first time), I started questioning the reasons why I was choosing to marry Ed. I knew I loved him and that he loved me. But, I was scared. I knew he didn't want kids as much as I did. He hadn't finished his degree and started his career. My life wouldn't be like the comfortable one I had in the suburbs with the predictable routine and the safe future. Ed and I had all the heart stuff. We didn't have the practical stuff ironed out though.

Then it hit me. It instantly hit me as I was opening up the door to my apartment. I knew from the bottom of my soul to the most practical part of my middle class brain that my life would be filled with regret and longing if I didn't marry this man. It wasn't a feeling or a thought. It was as if I could see the path of my life laid out plainly in front of me and I just KNEW.

This road hasn't been easy: a surprise baby, working motherhood, checking account balances below $10.00, 4 jobs between the two of us, messy rooms, empty cupboards, panic attacks, cancer in two parents, exhaustion and just plain hard days. Every once in a while, I am blessed to relive the soul stirring I had before I married Ed. Last week, it happened in church. I was sitting next to Ed with Alex on the other side of him. What a miracle it is that we are both going to church and that we have a kid. Ed gives me credit for bringing him back to the faith. However, I wouldn't have started going to church or kept going if he hadn't encouraged me. Then, of course, we have Alex because we had our marriage blessed in the Catholic faith (that's another post in and of itself).

I am completely thankful for the peace that settles over me during these times. It reminds me to open my heart to the man who gives himself freely to me. It reminds me that it's okay to be loved so much by somebody. It reminds me to cherish and protect the gift God has given me.

I love you Ed.